D Beat Goes On, Il Postigo, and Raffyboi

My old blog brought me painful memories just right after the break up. Sinong bang hindi masasaktan kapag makita mo ang mga posts na naging saksi sa pagmamahalan (?) ng dalawang  tao diba?

The break up prompted me to delete ako-ang-lukayo and subsequently ako-ay-lukayo with the hopes that the 'symbolic' erasure would actually translate into real life and me forgetting him. It did work for a while, but the itch to chronicle the new leaf being turned at that moment got me to open D Beat Goes On.

D Beat Goes On became witness to the birth of Raffyboi and his adventures in Il Postigo. Lukayo had decided upon himself that if the relationship turns sour and that if the other gives up on the relationship, he shall expand his circles once more, and true to his form - try anything once.

Back then it was another emo day for the Lukayo. Weary from exerting his own effort in trying to mend the relationship and non-receptance from the other, he breaks. He finds himself drunk and with his utol. On their way home from groundzero, the Lukayo blurts out that he wants to do Malate. Tingin ko, mas kinakabahan pa yung utol ko nung oras na yun. Isip-isip siguro niya, ano napasok sa utak ng taong to?

That first night in Malate would be a foreshadowing of things to come. Inebriated nights where Raffyboi would find himself dancing on the ledge of either Bed or CheLu, not giving a damn and giving performance of his life. He had found Malate to be a temporary escape - a place to dance, just be, and forget.

Il Postigo was born when Raffyboi danced without his shirt on near the pole in Bed. First time pa lang niya sa Bed, all the way na siya. Lasing siya makapal ang mukha niya. He had danced without his shirt on in CheLu for a number of times and even made friends with a regular there who also danced without his shirt on.

Lukayo then started looking for affirmation. Lukayo had been crushed by the break-up and Malate provided a cushion through those souls he had touchbased with, even if it was for a dance, for a sleazy make-out session on the ledge, or just plain dirty dancing on the dance floor.

Lukayo realized what Raffyboi had... Raffyboi is no ramp model but nice to look at. Raffyboi knows how to flirt. Raffyboi has that x-factor which can make heads turn. Raffyboi knows how to move his body. All of these combined, Lukayo becomes Raffyboi - isang nakakapaso na nilalang.

Raffyboi had used the above in a wrong manner though during the earlier days. He had hooked up with a number of people in the hopes that they would help him forget. He had met a doctor, an IT guy, an engineer, a business bigshot, and a balikbayan.

Of the five, three were taken. Of the five, he had thought he could have loved the engineer. Of the five, the business guru had made him realize that he was ready to love again. Raffyboi was now just another toolbox persona that Lukayo could use during the appropriate time.

Raffyboi still dances in Malate from time to time. So many goodlooking gay guys out there - from the most softie of the soft to the manly-manly ones. He had made out with a number of them and made a Fool out of himself for a couple of times.

But the glow of the laser lights are starting to fade. Lukayo is now starting to turn a new leaf... with Malate a part of who he is, but not the only thing that makes his world go round.

Better Off As Two

Always looking in the wrong direction to fill the emptiness that he feels...

Ever since we met we’ve never been too clear
All our insecurities turn up in all our fears
And how we’ve tried to make our problems disappear
Never searching hard enough to find only more tears

... one shouldn't find someone else to feel complete. One just needs to complete himself to be able to fully share his light. And that's why we're Better Off As Two.

The Oracle

• Looking in the wrong direction
• Four matters of the heart
• Autumn and Winter Cleaning
• The Import
• The marriage of sales and marketing
• Property Acquisition
• The Passing of the Matriarch
• Evolution of the Gift - 2012
  
• Circles of Protection
• Three Partners with Anima and only Psychic
• The Invitation of the Cult

Just a list to remind me of certain things...