Disclaimer: I've been receiving offline messages through Y!M asking if I'm ok and why the emo posts. I'd like to clarify that this isn't really an emo post but rather a "eh kung ganun talaga post". LOLs
I dislike how cranial I can become when faced with a problem or situation. Ever since, I've been a problem solver who'd look from different angles to try to come up with a solution. I've held this belief that there is more than one way to arrive at the solution. However, this presupposes that there is a solution or that the problem needs to be solved.
Recently, i've been thinking too much. Blame it on opportunities that are coming along (which am thankful for) but moments of thought have also been invested in my so-called lovelife (or lack thereof). I've noticed a pattern on past potential partners - that most are either taken, already have prospects, or strings from the past. This made me think that I may be actually the one with the problem - that I attract those kind of men.
Instead of fixing the problem, I've succumbed to the idea that I might as well just be the kabit and that prudence would prescribe that I abide by these rules... and be your number 2.
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Inspired by my own personal experience and this honest-to-the-bones post.
Your Number Two
10.21.2009 | Posted by I Am Lukayo at 3:59 PM |
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18 comments:
would you actually be happy knowing you're the other man? honestly.
cue Whitney ...
*eherm*
a few stolen moments
is all that we share
you've got your family
and they need you there
but i try to resist
being last on your list(?)
=D
Always check if you have real roots in the polynomial function.
Otherwise, all your efforts are in vein in finding the intersections of your graph on the x-axis.
You're smart. I'm sure you know what I'm saying.
*hugs*
I doubt if you would let yourself be one, utol.
It is important that you ask yourself why you would want to get involved with a taken guy in the first place? There are plenty of single men out there for you to get to know.
Also, Being a number two will play a big role on your self-esteem, making you slowly start to feel bad about yourself. You will feel alone and not important, because all you are is a secret KABIT- no matter how much he tells you he loves you- you will still not be getting that official healthy committed relationship that you will eventually need and want for yourself. So do not neglect yourself and be sure to do a self-esteem check.
*hugs*
define number 2.
define kabit.
define happy.
define other man.
or break the rules!
or read this post: Breaking Down Love
a friend once told me, "...keep it simple..." (or, at least, try to...)
JTSS,
Boying Opaw
@Galen: I already did in the past utol... MWAHAHAHA!
@Et al: Will comment later...
wala ako masabi. bow!
I've had the same dilemma myself. Then again, operative words are "I've had."
Ok ganito, being number 2 is fine - that is if ayaw mo naman tlaga ng commitment. Yung tipong "wham, bam, thank you ma'am." So go, indulge! Pero may kilala din ako who thought he'd never fall for someone who is already taken - but in the end he did fall for the person. It had a bruising effect on his self-esteem when the person eventually dumped him for the "original boyfriend."
And oh, napansin ko lang na yung word verification dito prior to me posting this is the word "orgasm." LOL - wala lang.
I was about to write something similar for my hypothetic entry.
I'm guessing this is a case of thinking out loud. From what your writing affords my comprehension, I can't really see you as one who'd be content with seconds, or hand-me-downs. And because of this, it would be safer for me to assume that the precept I mentioned above holds water. Oh, and there's a disclaimer.
But to be honest, I too am often guilty of overthinking. A hyperactive imagination, an almost anal obsession with details, an undiagnosed OCD, and the paranoia of a crack-addict at night is a combination that's sure to test the definition of sanity.
It seems being hypocritical, professing the importance of surrendering to faith, and believing in the aligned signals from the ethereal, yet here I am conceding and pleading guilty of my own fixation with elucidation.
Partly character flaw, partly from a highly competitive and jading academic background, or the unwavering expectation to over-achieve from my parents, or a force of habit, these are all plausible answers to the question as to why I view relationships, and people in general, with such aloofness.
But, they are also all mere excuses. The choice of whether or not to concede to a temporal and momentary existence, as opposed to seeking what is rightfully deserved can never be answered in binomial means. No duality exists, because the uniqueness of each relationship is a fact. Disparity occurs when we choose to short-change ourselves in favor of another, in the hopes of a more favorable tomorrow.
This over-analytical perception of things is what usually keeps me up at night, and has lured me into writing. Thinking out loud by yourself gets pathetic and depressing really fast. So I write, and by doing so I can go back and review my thoughts. Valuating what actually made sense and reconsidering those swayed by chance and circumstance.
Kung pwede lang i-off ang utak ko eh.
My head is what stifles me. To make a move, or to banish social retardation. And lately, even meddling with my emotional state.
Remember the analogy of mirrors? It applies. So maybe you should consider, instead of succumbing to a fate of a salutatorian, a revision of the message you are sending to the universe. Maybe then, will success be imminent.
You only fail when you stop trying.
I actually went to the blog that you linked up on this post - and wow! Grabe ang discussion dun! And I never thought I'd have any respect for a woman who's labeled a "mistress." Not until after I read the discussion page!
I am Lukayo,
"that I attract those kind of men."
Or perhaps, it is the other way around and it is YOU who is attracted to these kinds of men.
It's just a possibility, but maybe there is something about these men that you find either challenging, comforting, or familiar?
I have a friend and she always complains her relationships never work out. She always end up with a guy who lives far, or is migrating, or is visiting. When she thought about it, she realized she actually looked for these men becase deep down, she really didn't want a relationship.
That way, she could blame the failure of the relationship it on the distance.
Know thy self, as a wise man once said, and everything will fall into place. Once you know what you want, AND don't want, everything will become crystal clear.
History doesn't really repeat itself, we repeat history. =)
I wish you courage, and I hope you meet someone who will cherish you.
=)
Kane
Don't!
Yun lang! :)
mahirap maging kabit hehe(muntik palang naman akong maging ganun LOL)
yesterday is 22.
You reminded me of what 222 is all about. i reckoned u hated the number 2, and now you wanted to be number 2.
thank you for the time we spent reminiscing the old days. Just the 2 of us.
(hugs and kisses)
u know who i am.
Don't settle for number 2. :)
@engel: Maybe happy in the moment.. happy during the time you're together. Borrowed happiness.. but then again even happiness is transitory so.. i'm incoherent. LOLs.
@Mr.Scheez: Gusto ko yung Million Dollar Bill na track niya...
@Ms.Minchin: If you think about it, it's like infinite limits, it will always approach zero but never touch zero as it increases/decreases without bound.
@kate: Weird lang kasi ngayon puros taken na-meet ko. But yeah, thanks for your comment and will do a self-check.
@BoyingOpaw: salamat sa comment! yeah, keeping things simple solves a lot of things.
@MkSurf8: Bow! LOLs
@Iurico: Funny how you used wham-bam-thank you ma'am as I use the term too. And I like the word verification LOLs
@redthemod: You only fail when you stop trying - AMEN!
@Iurico: The only time we get to appreciate non-conventional views is when a FACE is associated with those who hold such views. Kumbaga, we realize na TAO din pala sila.
@Kane: Shucks, alam mo to an extent tama ka. One of the reasons why I think I 'attract' taken men is the fact that they're in a relationship at nadadala nila yung relasyon. Gusto ko kasi ng ganun but I fail to realize that each relationship will have unique dynamics. And WOW - History doesn't really repeat itself, we repeat history!
@Mike: Ok. Yun lang. LOLs
@MacCallister: Mahirap pero siguro for experience sake. LOLs
@rjpebs: I guess it depends on how you view it. It becomes negative kung you view it as settling. But if you accept it as something else, maybe it takes on a different form altogether.
How do you manage the situation anyway?
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