a3 Epilogue: Life Outside of My Closet

Life outside of my closet has been pretty much what I made it to be. I started with coming out to some straight friends, progressed to hooking up with other PLUs, was lucky to find like-acting and similar minded set of PLU friends, and even expanded my circle to dab a little on the PLU mainstream.

Followers of my defunct blog(s) would know that I loved and lost, shook my booty in the dance halls of Malate, drowned myself in alcohol, and flirted with some boys (some of them I'd rather forget, blame it on the alcohol).

I'm pretty much comfortable with who I am right now.. but that doesn't necessarily mean that I walk around with a billboard that's screaming "I'm gay".

It's just so cool to be comfortable in your own skin. No need to 'act' straight.. since am no longer uptight and on guard, just being who I am - a straight acting fag, comes out naturally. =)

Break Muna - Stoplight Insight

Stuck in Osmeña Highway traffic going back to Makati...

Be careful what you ask for and when you ask for something be specific...

It just dawned upon me that am handling two portfolios with very different attributes...

One category which is stable and highly penetrated and another which is low penetration and needs to be built up...

Flashback to my interview.. I was asked if I wanted to handle something already BIG or something I want to make BIG. Being the salesman that I was trained to be, I answered how flexible I was to handling both.

I signed a contract to handle something BIG..

Fast forward to today.. i have both something BIG and to make BIG.

Methinks i need to renegotiate for a bigger package..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a2 Continuation: On Coming In and Out

I've been fighting being gay ever since I was in elementary. I remember an episode when my dad hustled me for covering my mouth during a gasp reaction to a certain stimuli. In high school, just to fit in with the boys - I traded straight porn, engaged in horseplay, and got me a hot date for the prom. College was no different when I even fell in love with my female bestfriend who eventually became my girlfriend.
 
I never considered myself closeted during those times... it was only a few years back when I came to terms with who I really am, my sexual preference, and decided to turn straight into the PLU world and come into the closet.

I had grown up in a straight world, moved liked a straight guy, and revolved around straight circles. It was lonely and difficult to be in the company of people who aren't readily capable to understand who you really are. Heck, try talking about man to man sex with your straight barkada and you'll get what I mean. Compound that with the stereotype (back then) that gay men only consisted of parloristas and flam-effems (flamboyant effeminates), I was at a loss on how to relate with being gay.

I started another fight revolving around the need to relate with like minded people and the fear of being banished from the straight world. Some gay men men would label this fear as uncalled for, but it is a pressing issue to me and others who have lived a majority of their lives as a straight man.

The need to relate won over my fear, but this took a lot of headstrong arguments and dialogue with myself. One fine evening, I decided to come out of the closet by calling Dzi, a gay friend of mine who'd fall into the motherly hen category. Humahagulgol ako sa phone nun for reasons am unable to put to words, but the liberating feeling during that exact moment was exhilirating. I'm eternally grateful to Dzi pero sabi nga niya, sigurista ako for coming out to someone I knew would understand.

I had then gone on a coming out spree - my two straight guy and girl bestfriends, a friend from an outdoor club, my closest ex-colleague in my first job, a lesbian friend from college, and my bestfriend from highschool. I had thought that the high of that liberating feeling would be as exhilirating as the first time, but I was wrong. I had then realized that accepting one's self and living one's life are two entirely different things. I experienced a now what moment and found myself lost once again...


Next post: Life Outside of My Closet